Boy, Some People Really Have a Problem With Rejection

An acquaintance has an online poetry e-zine and publishes a few things on the side. Recently, she shared with me an interaction she had with someone who had submitted a piece of short fiction for consideration. The author claimed that this short story was comparable to Edgar Allan Poe. Based on what I saw, this person is either nuts or simply messing with my acquaintance.

I'm blown away by the turn downs Iv gotten. I tried everywheres but nope. Anyways, Ifcame across this link for the best sthitty online fiction and someone says to give it a shot so I figured yep you are the ones to give it a shot. The story is really cool. Yewed just love him. When he he finds a dead man he gets mixed up he goes haw haw and he runs away I don't think its bad and he cool guy.

My response: no way this can be for real.

I asked my pal whether I could send a reply and she agreed.

Dear Submitter,
Your short story The Tin Shop was forwarded to me for review. How very fortunate that you have persevered in your literary endeavors and that as a result we have connected. I found your story charming with a lack of demagoguery and depth of character development not frequently seen. Despite the fact that we are a poetry site, after nearly 8 successful years online and subscriber base that exceeds our wildest dreams, the editorial team has lately been kicking around the idea of expanding our scope of operations to include outstanding prose pieces such as yours.

We would be very pleased to include your work in our upcoming "craptacular online fiction" issue in late spring 2009, as it is the opinion of the editorial team that your opus represents the very best of the genre. Kindly reply with a name, brief (5000 words) biography and more of your stellar oeuvre for future issues.

PS: Please be so kind as to encourage your friends to submit as well. I have every reason to believe their crap is equal to yours in every regard.

Best,
Marie Battenberg-Giggleswick
Submissions Editor